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.::z. 8/8.

elegantly wasted.

in praise of the vulnerable man

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

meanwhile, somewhere up north...

a young man comes home after a week in camp. the moment he steps into his bedroom, he takes off his no4 shirt, turns on his PC, and places his handphone beside the keyboard. he clicks on the folder named after his beloved, and many more subfolders appear. he scans through to see which subfolder category best describes the smses that he has been getting the past week from his partner.

he decides on "on the verge of breakup" and opens up the subfolder. there were already numerous text files containing many more smses that were diligently transferred from his hp over the 5yrs they've been together. this was done manually, weekly mostly, sometimes adhoc, but care was taken that every word of every sms was archived neatly in those folders.

it has been a rough week. nasty words were exchanged, heated emotions conveyed through angry emoticons and vulgarities. the cause of it is irrelavant now, his fingers are hard at work pounding the keyboard, the speed getting faster as the words he is transferring gets more vicious.

"what i do is normal, dont u think? ppl keep letters, photos to remind them of the good and bad times, i keep smses. my mobile phone cant store everything, i dont want to delete them away, they're precious to me. yeah the categories do look a bit weird, but that's me, i'm a neat freak"

there were at least 20 categories, ranging from "happy times" to "getting back together" to "angry moments". its amazing how words from those that matters most to us could affect us so much, so deep, permanently. we hang on to them, analyse them to death until we think we've come to a conclusion. we put them away neatly but after a while it comes haunting back, begging to be dissected again for new meanings and perhaps a new hope.

"we're practically married u know. been through everything" he says confidently.

i scan through my own smses. they are still there. i feel the urge to read them again, but instead i put my hp back into my pocket.


calm down, deep breaths and get yourself dressed
instead of runnin around
and pullin on your threads
and breaking yourself up
if it's a broken part, replace it
if it's a broken arm, then brace it
if it's a broken heart, then face it

- mr a-z

posted by zul, 12:35 AM | link | 2 comments |

sun's up

Thursday, May 22, 2008

the tan line on my wrist bears testimony to the many hours i've spent under the hot scorching sun riding back and forth on my bike, swimming laps, running along beaches, climbing walls and rowing the rivers of kallang.


it has lead to the following results from the latest health screening i went to last week.



hmm i gained about 2kg already
body fat down to 13.9% (used to be over 20)
fat mass: 11.3kg

desirable bodyfat range: 17-23%
desirable fat mass: 14.4kg to 21.0kg

does this mean that if i hit those targets, i'd be desirable?

predicted weight: 87.7kg
predicted fat mass: 17.5kg
fat to gain: 6.2kg

gosh, i SO do not need another 6.2kg of fats, no ma'am.


posted by zul, 2:48 PM | link | 2 comments |

brainfucked

Thursday, May 15, 2008

i was updating my resume (yes, yet again) and was looking through the list of programming languages in my skillset when i decided to search the almighty wikipedia for more languages to include. lo and behold, i found brainfuck in the list.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainfuck

but wait, there's more fuck than you can ever imagine. i've also discovered a whole array of brainfuck programming languages.

there's doublefuck, dumbfuck, jumpfuck, quantum brainfuck, reversible brainfuck, self-modifying brainfuck, and my most favourite... smallfuck.

what the fuck right?

perhaps i should learn the entire brainfuck derivatives and then list them in my resume.
posted by zul, 1:08 PM | link | 0 comments |

bike ramblings

Thursday, May 08, 2008

bike ramblings #1

this happened 2 weeks ago.

i was riding along the ECP on the way to work, and then suddenly the bike started to slow down on its own. thinking that the petrol is low, i switched to the secondary tank. usually this will last me about 20 more km until i can find the next nearest petrol station. well, not this time. this time, apparently, even the secondary tank is empty. so i quickly swerved to the shoulder and parked the bike and began to consider my options. i could
1) call up any friend who drives, hopefully one of them can stop by a gas station, buy a can of petrol and come here and save me
2) abandon the bike, walk to the nearest bus stop, take the bus to work, and come back after work with petrol
3) walk to the nearest gas station, buy the petrol, walk back here, and ride off to work, late.

so i called up a few friends, none could make it, i didnt want to abandon the bike for the whole day, so i decided on the 3rd option. crossed the ecp via underpass, walked past parkway parade towards katong, and found a mobil station near the famous chicken rice stall. a good 30mins walk. i told the pump attendant what i needed, he immediately ushered me inside to the cashier counter and knocked on the office door. a lady came out, he told the lady what i wanted, and the lady went in again and came out with a can of petrol and a receipt. she said, i can have the petrol without paying for the tin can (usually the can costs $5). i paid up and on the way out, uncle explained to me that just a few hours earlier, about 5am, a guy came to the station, purchased the petrol, then went to the toilet, and disappeared without a trace, leaving the can behind.

which i find rather.. odd. how the can of petrol changed hands within that 3 hours, maybe it was mas selamat who ran off using his toilet-escape trick, he was supposed to use the petrol to blow up MHA. and now its in my hands. oh well.

bike ramblings #2

my helmet got stolen last week. i hung it at the side of the bike like i always do whenever the bike box is full. parked it at the office building, went up to work, 8.5 hrs later, came down, and helmet is gone. bloody hell.

luckily i brought a spare old helmet that day cos i was supposed to meet drey after work. wore that and rode to the nearest workshops at alexandra. i've never realised how expensive a full-face helmet can cost.. about $450-$600. a few days later i bought a helmet similar to the one that got stolen for $70. oh well.

bike ramblings #3

so i was late for work today. nevermind. so i was drenched cos i was caught in the rain on the way to work today. no matter.

but i rode into the carpark at my office building to discover that they have implemented a new parking system. since the beginning of time, bikes have always parked for free at that carpark. from today onwards, the building management have decided to put up a new barrier BEFORE the bike lots and so now we have to pay, via cashcard, a per entry fee of $0.65.

now before you say "WHAT? AND HE'S COMPLAINING? WE CAR OWNERS PAY MUCH MORE THAN THAT!".... i'd just like to state for the record that you'll be comparing kumquats to persimmons. bikes usually park for free, almost all the carparks in buildings in the town area dont charge bikes. and even if it is per entry, i go in and out of that carpark a lot since i have to travel to sgh often. it adds up. wtf. another (small) reason why i miss NUS. (hint to the relevant ppl in NUS who's reading this). oh well.

i so want this bike. swoon.

posted by zul, 12:36 PM | link | 0 comments |