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.::z. 8/8.

elegantly wasted.

what gives?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

i fucked up a lot of stuff lately.

at work, i am king procrastinator. i got so much work still left undone. no mood. no drive. nothing. its worrying me.

at home, i do nothing but sit in front of the laptop, thinking. until i fall asleep, seating. its worrying me.

i went for an interview yesterday. i fucked it up. i cant even string a coherent sentence. midway, i hear myself babbling and i thought.. what the fuck am i saying? the interviewer said "i'm confused". i wanted to tell her, so am i, babe. so am i. today the rejection email came. "we regret to inform you that ... ". its worrying me cos i so want to leave this current job.

ok maybe its just my attitude. there is nothing really horrible abt this place. but i've never been this sad at work before in my entire life. what gives?

maybe cos i give up easily nowadays. i have no confidence things will work out. why should they? i've fucked it up many times already. the nearer i get to 35, the more unstable i become. it should be the other way dammit. it should be so much more than this.

woke up screaming on monday nite. no, shouting actually, at the top of my voice. so forceful, when i woke up, my heart was beating furiously. my dad came in my room, turned on the lights, made sure i'm alright, and left. 30mins later, i woke up shouting, again. i was so exhausted, i gave up sleeping.

i think its the guilt. or the frustration. there's still anger alright.

before i fuck things up even more, i'd better stick to my comfort zone and let go.

i'm sorry. 08/08/08. reboot.
posted by zul, 5:14 PM

8 Comments:

Not sure regarding the cause, but you seem really down...
It is just coincidence that some things go against the way we like them to be...
Probably you could consider take a short break from things? ie go for short trip, forget all about work/ problem...
Or you could meet up with close frens whom u could share the issue with? There are genuine people ard you whom cares...
Take care...
commented by Blogger casio_888, 10:22 PM  
This is call mid age career crisis... seems that it's happens to many ppl of our age... 33++ and above. If u got enough saving to last u for 6mths, u can take a 6mth break. :P
commented by Anonymous SL, 10:41 AM  
i believe you are stronger than this, be strong.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 12:52 PM  
You should know who you should turn to when things do not go your way. Its about time you turn to him for help. I think you should know who I am talking about.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 4:38 PM  
Zullyman, make 080808 the ultimate deadline for fresh beginning. No more procrastination of this deadline hor.

Do 1 thing at a time. Resolve 1, then pick up another 1.
commented by Anonymous Anonymous, 7:58 AM  
hah...tot i was in that similar situation. may be worse since i was really desperate to do other thing than spending my time with 'begin end loop if else endif'...

i did what you did. reboot myself :)after giving myself a try and it did not work at the end.
commented by Blogger Lj, 11:41 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
commented by Blogger limt, 8:57 PM  
since knowing you, i have admired you for the person you are the integrity and your character and other traits.

Realise that u were down when the last time we spoke.

Well like i always said "the best is yet to be" and i sincerely hope pray that it will come true for you.
commented by Blogger limt, 8:59 PM  

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