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.::z. 8/8.

elegantly wasted.


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

1 more for the list before i forget!

7) jumper - third eye blind
"everyone's got to face down the demons.. maybe today, you could put the past away.. "
a bit angry, a bit melodramatic, a lot of angst. i remember their performance on the david letterman show very well, the lead singer smashed his guitar on stage at the end. the shocked look on letterman's face was classic. anyway, yeah. ANGRY.

what a strange weekend. really, really STRANGE. i had fun though. write more later. zzzzzzzz...
posted by zul, 2:57 PM | link | 1 comments |

cuts both ways

Friday, February 09, 2007

q told me he swam 2k earlier in the day and dared me to do the same. so i did.
i went to bv pool since the nus pool was still closed, and swam and swam and swam. i usually just swim the most 1k but heck, the leo in me wanted to prove something. went for a pee break at the 1.4km mark and thought of giving up, but 600m more wouldnt kill, and it didnt. happy.

i think i'm annoying. i try too hard. till the point that i degrade myself to this miserable stupid worthless desperado who dont have any dignity to even face up to my own shadow. so .. with all due respect, i take a bow. on and off, on and off. as and when. whims and fancies. needs and wants. take care luv, call me, u know my number. deal?

i've been thinking of coming up with my own top10 lists for the longest time. u know, my top 10 songs, movies, books etc of all time. but these things, u dont just sit down and decide your list and that's THAT. its a lengthy process cos u've got to think through millions of stuff, adding and taking items off the list as you go along cos sometimes a song might pop up and u decide, hey this is MUCH better than the one in my list, so u strike off one song that just barely made it there. i'll start off my my top 10 songs ever. wont be complete though and wont be in any particular order. check back often. i'll move this list to somewhere static soon.

1) always on your side - sheryl crow
"my yesterdays are all boxed up, and neatly put away. but every now and then you come to mind"
poignant. the first 2 lines sets the tone for the entire song. forget about the version with sting in it. just listen to sheryl's melancholic voice.

2) estranged - guns n roses
"i knew the storm was getting closer, and all my friends said i was high. but everything we've ever known's here, i never wanted it to die"
not one of their popular songs, i dont think it was released as a single? a very long song, close to 10mins, with a very mean guitar rift in the middle. its an epic love story set in a song.

3) mistress - red house painters
"the attention i need is much more serious. a kind of weight you couldn't lift, even if your cheap career depended on it"
a new song that was introduced by wan. its heartwrenching. the piano weeps and the singer emotes like someone singing his last song before he jumps off the empire state building.

4) simple together - alanis morissette
"if i had a bill for all the philosophies I shared, if i had a penny for all the possibilities i presented, if i had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air, my wealth would render this no less severe"
that's right, alanis dear. and please stay angry. dont go wussy on me now.

5) i cant make you love me - bonnie raitt
"just hold me close, dont patronize, dont patronize .. cause i cant make you love me if you dont, you cant make your heart feel something it wont"
i cry.. i sob.. i weep... and when i listen to the george michael version, i puke. sorry george, but let this be bonnie's song.

6) linger - cranberries
"and i swore, i swore i would be true, and honey so did you"
yeah honey, so did u. so f* off.

ok i'll continue soon. off i go to wala2 with my lovelies. its friday night! time for some songs, drinks and general mayhem.
posted by zul, 8:25 PM | link | 1 comments |

you make the knife feel good

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


the NUS pool has been closed for about a month now. i was told they were changing the pump or something. so i bumped into one of the lifeguards while walking around holland village a couplea weeks ago and he told me that the running of the NUS pool has been outsourced to a private company once it reopens, and that all the old lifeguardbirds of the pool were given the golden handshake. its sad really. he said that he's been with NUS for more than 20 yrs and he's gonna really miss all the staff and students that he's made good friends with. time to move on, i guess.

my good friend KC flew off to Doha, Qatar, last nite. or rather, earlier this morning. drey and me were at the airport till about 130am, we watched our big boy, wearing a white giordano mac t-shirt, walking away into the transit area. how fast they grow up. earlier on over a meal of popeye's chicken, we talked about what could possibly happen there during the interview. i guess its happening now, and i hope things flow smoothly and by august, i can take a flight to doha and crash at his place for free lodging. thats the plan.

to hold somebody's hands, and to have somebody lie on your lap, your tummy, everywhere. to have goodnight kisses and hugs. to have lengthy conversations, to share philosophies, to present possibilities. to smile knowing somebody is smiling back at you. to think about someone just before u go to bed, and the first thing when u wake up in the morning. to snuggle up in the cinema, and to walk side by side. to enjoy taking elevators and going all the way up to the 25th floor when u wanna go to 3rd, cos that means longer kisses and hugs. and to go up and down again. and again. to plan for weekends and weekday nights and to look forward to holidays and leaves. to share body warmth, to touch, to quiver, to *feel*.

i yearn.

the past refuses to go away, the future is dodgy. the present is happy yet feels empty.

to the past: i'm very bitter. and this is not what i want. you may realise now what u did, but you've also realised that 4 times before, and then u forget easily. a man can only forgive that much. i am left with no other choice. i wish the best for u still.

to the (possible) future: u have such potential but on the other hand it looks bleak. but i'll take my chances. i might still end up just as empty, and i am aware of that, and perhaps thats the best for now. i have plans for myself, and this might be the best arrangement for us. if it grows, it grows. good things grow. if it doesnt, it isnt good.

to the present: u've all stuck with me and i am eternally, internally grateful. i'm working hard and if i push too hard, i hope u understand, u will be duly rewarded when the time comes. i dont know when that will be, but when we get there, u'll thank me.

lots of things on my mind.. lots ...
posted by zul, 7:18 PM | link | 5 comments |