.::z. 8/8.

changes.

the NUS pool has been closed for about a month now. i was told they were changing the pump or something. so i bumped into one of the lifeguards while walking around holland village a couplea weeks ago and he told me that the running of the NUS pool has been outsourced to a private company once it reopens, and that all the old lifeguardbirds of the pool were given the golden handshake. its sad really. he said that he's been with NUS for more than 20 yrs and he's gonna really miss all the staff and students that he's made good friends with. time to move on, i guess.

my good friend KC flew off to Doha, Qatar, last nite. or rather, earlier this morning. drey and me were at the airport till about 130am, we watched our big boy, wearing a white giordano mac t-shirt, walking away into the transit area. how fast they grow up. earlier on over a meal of popeye's chicken, we talked about what could possibly happen there during the interview. i guess its happening now, and i hope things flow smoothly and by august, i can take a flight to doha and crash at his place for free lodging. thats the plan.

to hold somebody's hands, and to have somebody lie on your lap, your tummy, everywhere. to have goodnight kisses and hugs. to have lengthy conversations, to share philosophies, to present possibilities. to smile knowing somebody is smiling back at you. to think about someone just before u go to bed, and the first thing when u wake up in the morning. to snuggle up in the cinema, and to walk side by side. to enjoy taking elevators and going all the way up to the 25th floor when u wanna go to 3rd, cos that means longer kisses and hugs. and to go up and down again. and again. to plan for weekends and weekday nights and to look forward to holidays and leaves. to share body warmth, to touch, to quiver, to *feel*.

i yearn.

the past refuses to go away, the future is dodgy. the present is happy yet feels empty.

to the past: i'm very bitter. and this is not what i want. you may realise now what u did, but you've also realised that 4 times before, and then u forget easily. a man can only forgive that much. i am left with no other choice. i wish the best for u still.

to the (possible) future: u have such potential but on the other hand it looks bleak. but i'll take my chances. i might still end up just as empty, and i am aware of that, and perhaps thats the best for now. i have plans for myself, and this might be the best arrangement for us. if it grows, it grows. good things grow. if it doesnt, it isnt good.

to the present: u've all stuck with me and i am eternally, internally grateful. i'm working hard and if i push too hard, i hope u understand, u will be duly rewarded when the time comes. i dont know when that will be, but when we get there, u'll thank me.

lots of things on my mind.. lots ...